I didn’t have boundaries at work. I was working 60 hours a week at the office and taking work home with me at night and on the weekends. I would even forget to eat lunch I was so busy trying to please my boss. I wanted to do a good job for him and be everything to everyone.
I led three different teams with a total of twenty-five direct reports. I don’t know if that’s a lot for you, but it was a lot for me. I had 30-minute one-on-one meetings scheduled every other week with each team member just to make sure I was available for them. I also had weekly meetings with each team. I always put their needs first. I wanted to make sure they had everything they needed to be successful.
I wouldn’t change any of this because I loved pouring into my teams. I not only wanted them to be successful while they were at work, but after they left this job. I wanted them to get the skillset that transferred beyond what they were currently doing and went on to all their tomorrows. But most of the time that meant my tasks got done after hours because I was terrible at setting boundaries!
In February 2017, I had to have major surgery and was expected to be out of the office for 6-8 weeks. I should have been on medical leave, but I had to process payroll the day after my surgery while on high doses of pain medication. Not surprisingly, I made a mistake and forgot to process commissions and ended up having to process a second payroll run. My boss just didn’t trust anyone else to process payroll, so it was left to me. My husband was so angry and all I did was make excuses as to why it had to be me.
It was a lot and a few months later, I had a nervous breakdown. I was too busy trying to take care of everyone else that I forgot to take care of myself.
Boundaries are so necessary. Not just at work, but in every area of your life.
I found a coach that taught me the importance of boundaries and having balance in my life.
First, she taught me how to create boundaries and then she helped me with the following.
First, I created boundaries by taking a few simple steps.
Next, I surrendered to God and His process. This took some time because I was so used to thinking I needed to be in control of everything. Total misconception. The sooner you relinquish control to God, the sooner you can breathe a sigh of relief. What are you trying to control? What do you need to let go of?
I developed daily healthy living habits. I had to create a plan for how I was going to live my life differently moving forward. I had to make myself a priority. Exercise, sleeping, and eating better all became more important to me. I began working out regularly and getting my much needed 7-8 hours of sleep a night became critical! Also, I no longer skipped lunch because of my daily alarm. What daily habits do you need to create? Where have you fallen off track?
I strengthened my spiritual life. For me, this is essential. I need to have a connection to God. He centers me and keeps me grounded. When I’m not talking to Him throughout the day, I can fall off track quickly. Even in a hard moment or on a tough day, I can find a reason to praise God. I know I’m blessed beyond reason and I’m so grateful for every day He gives me. Do you struggle to find reasons to be grateful? Start with something simple… waking up, running water, a beautiful sunrise!
I repaired and cultivated the relationships I had neglected all those years I was at that job. I neglected my family and friends, plain and simple, while I was at that job. I lost track of what is truly important while I was there. I thought being successful meant being good at my job. I was wrong. I learned that the hard way. It took time to earn their trust back because of how many times I had broken promises to spend time with them. It took making one promise at a time and keeping my word to build it back up. It took spending quality time with each person and apologizing and asking for forgiveness. Who do you need to spend time with today and ask for forgiveness? What are you waiting for?
I clarified my values and goals and really began to understand myself and my purpose. What was important to me? I know what I’m passionate about, that part is easy. I love talking to other people. I love to hear their stories. I love to help them know their value, how important they are and how much value they bring to the world. I fell in love with this during my one-on-one meetings with my team members. I couldn’t wait for those meetings to hear what was going on in their lives and how I could encourage them and just love on them. What stirs up the passion in you?
I learned what was within my control versus what wasn’t. I can only control myself and my reactions. I have the choice to respond in a positive or negative way. Sometimes someone else is calling the shots and I have to do what they say. I can go about it with a bad attitude, or I can make the best of the situation with the best attitude possible. What can I learn from this experience? What does God want to teach me in this moment?
I learned when something was about me and when it wasn’t. Sometimes that negative response isn’t about me at all. The other person is just having a bad day. Everyone has their own baggage and their own prior experiences. Again, I’m in control of my reactions. Even if I must give negative feedback, I can do it in a loving way. Even if I need to have a difficult conversation, it can come from a place of love and respect. It doesn’t mean this isn’t hard, I just try to remind myself of this when I encounter these situations. Is there a difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding because you’re making it about you? What if you looked at it differently and came from a place of love instead?
I learned I don’t have to believe everything I think. I confused activity with appreciation. I thought the more I did, the more I would be appreciated. Another misconception. Men don’t define our value. God does. Instead of working to do an excellent job for God (because that’s what matters), I was trying to impress my boss with how many hours I worked. When I changed the way I looked at this, I started to bring more value to the table. The quality of my work increased, and I actually had to put in less hours at the office. What do you need to stop believing today?
I began to heal past hurts. My past hurts were self-inflicted. Shame and guilt I had been holding onto even though God had forgiven me a long time ago. Do you do the same thing? Do you ask for forgiveness, but hold onto the shame and guilt? I encourage you to let it go when you give it over to God. He forgives you as far as the East is from the West as soon as you ask. I no longer hold onto shame and guilt. I believe what Jesus says when he says I’m forgiven. I have the kind of faith that doesn’t make sense. I can’t explain it. I have a relationship with Jesus, and I believe what He says about me. Each day I grow closer to Him and each day He calls me closer to Him. I pray you know His love.
Setting boundaries takes time. It doesn’t just happen overnight. I fell back into old patterns a few times, but I gave myself enough grace to start again. I now know every season is a season for growth and I don’t have to settle; I can just make a new plan.
So, do you struggle with boundaries at work? Did you see yourself in any parts of my story? Where do you need to make a new plan? Is there an area I can help you with? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!